The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
