You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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