girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
