Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
