he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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