yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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