Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
