Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize