the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize