He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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