that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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