Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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