Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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