Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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