we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
