You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
