he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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