So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
