What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
