If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
