every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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