Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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