I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
