if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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