your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
