so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
