for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
