there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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