why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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