Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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