Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
