I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
