i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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