I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
