I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Never let your siblings swipe right.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
