It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
