wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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