wakey wakey hands off snakey
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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