He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
