After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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