Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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