Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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