No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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