every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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