I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
