I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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