so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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