What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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