Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
