Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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