I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
