How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
