So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
