If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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