Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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