Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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