If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
