he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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