Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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