Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

You smell like a Billy Joel song

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(404): View more from Georgia

What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

(678): View more from Georgia

I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

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(314): View more from Missouri

Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

there were a lot.

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(420): View more from

then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"

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(315): View more from New York

You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"

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(213): View more from California

you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's like a hurricane

(303): View more from Colorado

a drunk, sexist, hurricane

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(330): View more from Ohio

My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.

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