He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it glows. i had to have it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
