I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
