i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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