In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My life is pants optional.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
