Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
