I can text with my tongue
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
