ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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