Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
