Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
